Trying to swim my way back

Today I woke up at ten thirty, half wondering why my mother hadn't taken me with her to go out with friends, and half thanking god that she hadn't. I'm afraid I might loose my temper or something.
I got up and stared out the window, brushing the slightly greasy hair from my eyes. It felt like staying at Victory, because there was no warm water at all. The world was strangely sun-painted, although it was January. I couldn't help but let a smile pull at the corners of my lips. The sound of melting icicles could be heard over the crashing noises upstairs. I asked myself how I slept through the overbearing chaos of my house.
The first thing I could think of was going running. Making the decision to go was actually a big one. At that point I was terrified of disappointment. If I failed and there was still that stabbing pain I knew that depression would cloud over. I knew I'd be angry and annoyed, and it would make everything worse.
The world outside my window is something so much more. So much more than when I simply glace at it behind man-made glass. I'm not sure if there is the possibility of describing the feeling I get when I've immersed myself in it's unfailing beauty. It will always be beautiful, no matter what happens to it, because beauty is an opinion. I have my own.
My first steps were of nervous hope. The trees were bare but I could hear the birds singing, the sound of rushing water, the warmth of the sun, embracing my face. I was so lost in this different, yet ordinary world that I didn't notice the pain until it was drilling into my side.
I stopped, gasping for breath, staggering, and next thing I knew I was standing knee deep in a snowbank. The snow was half melted so it scratched up my legs. I didn't care. The only thing I could think about was the feeling of being stabbed, and the overwhelming joy I felt. I had run through two intersection. With a little more work I knew that there was the possibility of track! I was able to run almost the whole way home. Definably track.
I had forgotten within this span of time, that there was no hot water. They say exercise causes euphoria. I didn't feel euphoria. Even though I had accomplished something I felt really annoyed. I think I'll just go to sleep now, or something.
I have nothing else to say. Margaret's having a 'birthday party' although her actual birthday was before xmas. So in having this party, and the church girls around my age are over. I hate how they want to include me. When I say no to playing spoons the first time, I mean no, I do not want to play spoons. Oh well. I really need to get over myself, and I also wanted to hang out with Avery sometime this weekend. It's weird. I used to hate her guts, and now we're like best friends.