The little things

People always tell you to enjoy the little things in life. I'm trying to find them, trying to get my mind off things, my guilt. I try to write things, but I always find that what I write brings me back to everything. I can't find it in myself to return to the story I've spent six months writing. I don't have the guts to. Maybe I'll finish it in a few months. Who knows? I'd like to say my whole perspective on life has changed but it simply hasn't. I just have a lead feeling in my stomach constantly and an overwhelming guilt that I get to bring around with me! I'm not ready to make big choices, I guess, because I suck at them. I do everything wrong. So tonight, I'm going to go with the youth girls to stay in a hotel, where we'll meet up with the Connecticut girls. Tomorrow we're going to the mall and having a scavenger hunt. I just want to get out of the house and see my friends. I might go back to school next week, and I might not. I haven't decided yet. There are some people (as in one) I absolutely dread to see because I feel so terrible, but on the other hand I don't want to be in this house every single day. I would get bloody cabin fever. I wish I could just switch to Weedsport, but that's not possible, I guess. I just have to deal with everything. Whew! I sound like I'm crazy. I have to go entertain myself and I don't know what I'm going to do.