The last days

Her nose was completely plugged and her face was under her blankets. In her dream she was inside a small box, screaming, gasping for breath. Her finger nails tore off as she scratched at the sides, trying furiously to get out. Her breathing became more intense as the oxygen ran out. Pain raced through her hands, blood dripped from her fingertips. She groped on in the darkness for something.
A flash. The girl sat straight up in bed. The blankets fell away from her face and she gasped for air. She looked around the gray room and let out a sigh.
There were at least three more feet of snow outside her window. She leaned against the sill and stared out into the blinding whiteness. The house was in an eerie still, and it felt as though she was the only one who existed. It was still snowing silently.
She put on her doggie slippers, which only made her look more amusing. A face shrouded in pallor, deep green eyes, thin lips. Her blond hair was in a mess of bedhead.
"Good morning." She whispered to herself in the mirror.
Molly didn't know how she had ignored the absolute chaos that was going on upstairs. She had been alone in the silence and security of her room, but upstairs everything was different. The kids ran about screaming, the older ones at the table talking. Around her things crashed to the floor as the younger kids played tag. In the house.
"It's about time you're up!" Her mother huffed as she swept up. A guilt crept inside Molly like a chill one gets from a foggy night.
"Sorry." She said, getting herself a bowl for cereal. [Wow, you're eating breakfast?] Someone inside her asked. [Shut up.] She snapped back.
"There's no milk, so don't even bother pouring cereal." Mariel looked up from her book briefly.
[Oh, great.] She thought, annoyed. [Toast.]
Molly found herself back in her room, lying on the floor. She listened to her music as loudly as it would go, in order to block everything else out. Between the Buried and Me.
She didn't hear the door open and suddenly Aaron was looming over her.
"Let's go outside!" He grinned.
"Later." She rolled over onto her side.
"Molly, you have your priorities all mixed up. Il fait beau aujourd h'ui!" He exclaimed. She thought about it. [Oh yeah, I was getting over this, wasn't I?]
"Okaaaaaaaaay." She faked a groan. "Give me two minutes."
They went into the garage and stumbled back out with their bikes, laughing. The road was barely plowed and the snow was still coming down hard. Perfect weather for biking.
"Molly, this is an intense global varming!" Aaron switched to an indian accent as he climbed onto his bike.
I cannot describe how amusing this situation was, and I wish I had some pictures of it, because it was truly hilarious.
Finally, after two hours outside Molly stumbled indoors and started to write THIS POST. Her toes were still cold.
Audrey comes onto msn.
"I know you think I'm annoying right now." She says.
"No, not really." I reply. "I have to tell you something." I've thought about it for a long time. Audrey has been my closest friend since I was very little, so why should I not tell her? I make her promise to make no mention of it tomorrow at school, and to certainly not tell anyone, not that it matters since I'm writing it here.
"I loved him, Audrey. I don't know how it came to that, but I can't hide it from you, and I know you think I'm stupid since I didn't follow the church's rules. Now he's joining the army and we can't be together because he's leaving. I don't know if you can understand." I'm biting my lip nervously.
"What made you love him?"
"Because, I could tell him anything, any of my problems. I knew he wasn't going to tell his sister *cough, and he had been through so much of what I'm experiencing and he knew how to help. Besides, we had SO much fun." I have to smile at that. There's a long pause.
"Molly, I think you've just convinced yourself that you have problems."
"Convinced myself??!" I wonder how she could think something like this."
"you have a family that loves you more than anything and a calling above all others." And there's the reason I can't tell her anything. Because with the church, everything's fine. She doesn't understand what it's like, apparently. She's...a Stryker! I know that's a lame excuse. she continues. "You just need to stop being such a baby."
"Whatever." I'm finished talking to her.
I feel the bumps of scars on my wrist that could have killed me time and again. The biting hungers that is sometimes there. Yeah, I guess she's right. I just need to stop being such a baby, and convince myself that there's nothing wrong with myself.