pix...

Genereal Thunder and I hanging out. He sleeps in the Laundry. I love him so much, so I feed him tuna all the time so he gets fat.






Aaron, found here doing what he does best :)



Oda, or Charlotte, if you please. She's so cute, but she's a brat.


Emily, who just moved to Norway for at least a year. SOB.




Camille, or Mansa.







Sam, hyperactive. jk

quick not, guilt trip

i wish ppl would read my other blog, the one where i write, where i really care. ppl dont read it, or dont care to give me an opinion. please, if your going to read anything of mine, read my other blog and give me an opinion. go back a few pg's and start from the beginning! plz!!!!!!

pick myself up

better today. everything works out, i guess. i hope i have a few weeks until the next drop. i went skating again today. i love it. i plan on going tomorrow also. its nice. relaxing. its something where there arent too many ppl. sometimes i like being social but most of the time i like being with certain people. sometimes i like being alone so i can write and draw, but there are ppl who i love being around. i have only figured out a few of those ppl and im keeping silent.
im reading twilight. i wont state my opinion yet. ill just say that the only reason im forcing myself to rad it is so i can write a review. lol guess what i think?

craash

sigh. i was really manic b/f xmas. i knew the whole time i was going to crash. this sux. i hurt phisically and mentally. i cant do anything but lie on my floor and not think. i cant think. im not feeling srry 4 myself b/c theres nothing to be sad a bout. i just cant move. i cant think. il be ok. mayber tomorrow or the next day. usually during certain parts of the day i just get spells where i cant move, when im depressed.
when im manic im awesome and happy and i cant stop moving. (my foot) and i love it. but then bam. it hits hard and sometimes i cry. theres nothing i can do about it. i pray to god that he will help me to feel better and get up. i have faith in my heart that he'll hear me and help me. that's all i can do. theres nothing wrong really, it just happens, and i kno im not the only one hurting. so now. i just lie on my floor and not think. die. for now.

films

Aaron and I made some films today with his new camera. When they are finished I'll out a link up. They're quite entertaining.

xmas

ya xmas tday. im very happy w/ wat i got.

1.clothes. meh
2. Dream Theater shirt <3 <3 <3
3. random stuff from mom bears!!!
4.perfume, celine dion
5. learn japanese
6. the office board game
7. Rasphody of fire album <3!!!!
8. 8 gb sansa fuze, pink <3 (not a huge fan of pink, but meh)

Abigail and i were talking about getting our room bear themed. <3 xxx yea!

sno day

We have no skool again tday, thx 2 the bad weather. Tomorrow will be the last day until x-mas vacation. yay. x-mas 4 me, get's less and less exciting. i wish it was summer or spring. i luv winter, but I want to run. i jump-rope and do yoga everyday, but abigail always comes in and gawks at me. i can never be alone. i hate excercising and doing stuff like that round ppl. its just how i am. sigh. im supposed 2 be kleaning up the shoes.

christmas feast

soo ya...just got home from a christmas feast. siiiiigh. they're fun, to an extent. i feel kinda bad that i didnt ever get mel or janette a present. g2 do some work or something. heheheh i totally own @ wii boxing. sam waz getting mad b/c i kicked his butt. lol. josh is such a wonderful friend. he asks me if im coping better everytime i c him and he encourages me. it's like he's new person. he seems so wise. lol everytime he talks to me about anything beyond casual he apologizes incase he's preaching. lol. we're good friends.

skool, of course

I'm beginning to wonder of anyone reads this. HEY, if anyone reads this, plz comment! I could use some excitement, y'know. I don't bite, unless your my friend Mel, and you took something I was "playing with" and refused to give it up. Yes, she took my Muck toy that I was annoying people with. You know, muck, from bob the builder. lol, its what happens when your jonny's sister.
No but really, I could use some company.
Today in math, I got really crazy, which I sometimes do, if you know me. And I was like bounciing outta my seat. Some boy, who is one of my good friends, and the strongest person I know (lost both of his brothers within a few years, both to automotive accidents) decided he was going to be a smart ass, srry bout that, and started throwing little paper balls @ me. I looked at him and one went in my mouth. (ewww) then, a few went down my shirt. (embarressing and made me angry) I was mad, but I couldn't stop laughing b/c he was telling this one joke that we know and it makes me laugh really hard. (has to do with some greek guy cross dressing kinda inside joke, would be funny if you knew him) So I was choking on paper, trying to be mad, laughing, and covering my chest. lol.When I got control of myself I yelled at him. Yelled loudly. He's my friend, but that doesnt mean he can bother me like that. lol. I dont really like being touched. I dont know why, but when people, boys in particulr, touch, me even if it's just their hand on my shoulder, it makes me spaz. yeah I jump. This would distub my mom do read this. Mom, dont worry, it's nothing like that. lol.
Tonight at the dinner table, me and some of my sibling decided it was really funny to make obscure noises, like a moose? lol I was getting the baby down (she's the baby still b/c she's youngest, but she can walk and is very smart.) anyway, i was getting her down and I started laughing so hard that I tripped and fell down against the fridge. It was hilarious. lol.
So yeah, now im doing yoga. I love it. It's realaxing and I feel, de-stressed. even though someone my age shouldnt really get stressed. g2g now, i have to work on an english project.
lol yeah im bad at doing homework. propose that you and me play a game or something, and ill accept even if i havent done any work.

MY PIX!!!!!

Uploaded some pix of our back field and messed with them!!!! xD

games

We had an amazing full moon the other night. It was awesome. It made me want to be a wolf. What would life be like? SHORT STORY!!! LOL my viewpoint from a wolf? lol comical, or serious? that is always the question.
SIGH. Im tired if the weather. It cant decide if it wants to be no snow, or snow! Ohh lets have snow storm. 2 days later, on second thought, i think ill wait for winter. melt all the snow!!!!
so yeah, my views on the weather.
christmas is in ten days. im not sure of what im getting. i dont care, really. i dont seserve anything since i can buy anyone else a friggin present. i dont have money and i never go shopping. so yeah, excuses. gtg. stupid chorus concert soon.

need....fun

I went Ice Skating today. It's the one thing I can do. I'm not good, but I'm not bad. SOOOOOO YEAH!!

report card

yay. good grades. my parents will only care if they're bad.

English-90
Global-99
Algebra-82
Biology-93
French-99
Art-92
band-96
chorus-95
gym-67

LOL! I HATE GYM!!!! no one in my class likes me and Im always stuck with some short girl wh it and idiot and she cant do anything. she is an idiot. i have no friends in gym and the girls laugh at me. i hate it.

outside

i went outside today! it was gr8. I love it so much. i want to snowboard.

mhmhmh

interestin rite? i kno this is dumb. im bored. i need to learn bass but dont kno where to start. any suggestions?

better

better. wat else can i say? i promised myslef that when i was better i would eat hot sauce and perhaps a sub. hmmmmm soup? i love food.

sick

im really sick today. i can hardly sit up. im feverish and really nautious. I can stomach anything. i feel like im gonna die. i didnt even get 2 miss skool 4 it! its the weekend!

but anywwway, mansa and i took some fun pix and more...

lol yeah, we have fun. (i trimmed my bangs after this)

yes, we take everything very seriously.

Ödur and Mansa. J'dore mon souers!

I luv my abilities <3

im sitting here listening 2 to sacrificed sons by dream theater, thinking, omg, this happened. (its about 9/11) it never ceases 2 amaze me that such a thing happened, and im sure it does the same 2 others also.
i finished my first notebook yesterday. itsa five subject & it took me months to fill with stories. the last pg is filled. YAYA!!! xD i hope my writing is promising. tho i finish very little....lol. so now i move onto the black 5 subject, xD and continnue this blog thingy(my other 1)
for art we have 2 think of three words that dscribe us. ok, these are the ones i thought of:
1. Chill, b/c im so very layed back @ skool
2. Metal, b/c i luv metal, my one true luv. jk xD
3. D.T. , guess wat that stands 4?!! DREAM THEATER!!!! of course rite? i was going to do children of bodom but its long and it has to be special font. another i thought of was j.j.a. lol inside joke between me and myself. go figure rite?
so yeah in eglish we have a research project. we get 2 pick watever we want! guess long and hard on wat i thinking of doing! my ideas:
1. the long road to becoming a geisha
2. how children of bodom got their name (i dont think i can stretch that for 3 pgs)
3. d-day
4. how a samurai sword is forged
5. kawasaki ninja motorcycles
hmmmmm i cannot decide. im thinking about the last 1.

School.

HAHAHA I almost broke my nose!!!!! Well maybe not almost...but it seemed close. I was walking through the downstairs hallway, which was pitch black and wham!!! RIGHT INTO THE DOOR FRAME!!! ouch.
Nothing going on in school, and now I'm painting the litle girl's room. I hope I get payed. I need money for ppl's christmas presents. gtg.

black friday

Ya so yesterday was black friday. I had to shop with my mom, Aaron, and spazzy, stressed, annoying, Toby. jk Abigail. We got lots of crap. It was crazy. Ive never been touched so much in my life.
I got FISH!!!! Aaron and I pleaded with mom until she let us, it was so much fun because we did the
"MOM! We NEED fish SOOOO BAD!!!" She actually let us. I got 2 goldfish and a big jar. lol their names are Sir Frederick and Mr. Nezzer.
Im babysittinf Mansa or Camille today. She ate toast and went to bed, YEAH! I havent gotten a day off until now.

full....

Its over now, and I have to say, I am so glad I made the effort to run today! It was a big dinner and I don't intend on gaining weight. Mom did a good job, it was enjoyable.
I stayed in my room most of today. I finished another geisha drawing and it turned out ok, I guess. I cannot draw it right. It just looks strange. Oh well.
I just found out that Children Of Bodom got their name from Bodom Lake in Finland. That is where the band originated. Ok, check this: In 1960 four teens were camping on it's shores when three of them were murdered. The fourth was beaten badly and almost died. All three of the killed ones were stabbed and bludgeoned. A killer(s) was never found.
Children of Bodom is a great metal vand and they have published many songs about this happening, one called Bodom Beach Terror. If you so wish to you can read up on it on Wikepedia.
I thought that was interesting, and I hope to be getting one of their shirts for christmas! xD

mhmhmh

I'm on Thanksgiving vacation....I guess it's not that bad, I mean sometimes I feel like I might suffocate in my house because we have so many kids, but there's nothing I can change, because god made it be this way for a reason. I'm thankful for many things. Somethings I don't want to say, but I'm thankful that god hasn't forsaken me. Sometimes it may seem that I have it so bad, but its not true at all. God has blessed me in so many ways and I don't even think about it. I have to admit, I fall asleep before I can even pray. xD. The bride is supposed to have a spotless dress and I know at this point, I stand out like a huge grape juice stain or something. I have so much to work on.
On another note, mom, I give you permission to buy me whatever rediculous thing you want to by me for Christmas. All the things I want I cannot get. Here's my list of used-to-be possibilities:
1. Skate board (the wheels will just get shredded up on our road)
2. I-pod (expensive) or I-touch
3. tiny acer computer with internet access ($$$)
4. Metal band shirt (Children Of Bodom; Blooddrunk $17.95 $$$)
5. plane tickt to New Mexico ($380.00 cough yeah right!)
What you can LET me do, is get my hair cut tho! xD

nothin' but idiocy coming from me...

Yes, I do win the idiot of the week award! OK:
1. took waaaaay 2 much cough medicine, woke up late o.O, fell asleep in French. My legs started to numb! I'm never taking that again! I dont actually Think I swallowed that much, I haven't been sleeping well, even though I looooove sleep.
2. cut myself with a bloody pocket knife! whoops.
3. doing badly in math DARN!!

But all in all, not too bad. It would be nice if someone would walk up 2 me, not including u mom, and give me a big hug. I'd have to be careful, b/c i might burst into tears for no bloody reason and never let go. *sigh*

My sisters Sanja, Evelyn, and Carl (suzanne)






Our back yard in the snow!!! xD J'aime la neige! probably wrong...













This is Charlottel or more like Oda, like the Japanese warlord.

Ideas....

I have decided on what I want for Christmas. It revolves around a few things.
1. Dream Theater shirt, Iron Maiden shirt, Perhaps Angra, Nightwish, Dark Tranquility, Children Of Bodom....
Any of those would rock.....
2. A skate board. I want to learn soooooo bad! I could put my love us not eat us sticker on it.......It looks challenging and soooooo much fun!
3. If thats no too much to ask, and my parent want to be extra nice, then they can get me,
4. a paint set.
I proabaly wont get any of these things. Ill probably just get some clothes or something.

YEAH!!!

Today I ran almost five miles. That is the most I've ever run in my life. I like to think, that every time I run farther, I am running he farthest I have in my entire fourteen and a half years. It quite excites me. since I have started in August, I have lost about ten to twelve pounds. I'm not really sure though. I had to get weighed when school started ad then a few weeks ago I weighed myself at a friends, and she said the scale was correct. YES! KEEP GOING! I tell myself.
when I started running I could barely make it to the end of my road. I am quite proud of myself.
I am thinking about snow boarding this winter.Plus me and my bro's friend is coming over. that means woods and vidi games!

where is it going?

I was horribly shocked by a thought this morning. The fact that it shocked my is quite a factor itself. I was watching Mansa (Camille) Who recently turned one. She is the youngest in my family out of 16. I was thinking about the fact that she was getting old so fast and then it struck me. This is my life. I mean I witnessed 9 of my sibling in the hospital when they were born. I may not remember San, or Margaret because they are right under me, but I'll never see it again. Everyone id growing up and soon the older ones will leave. This will be our last thanksgiving together for a long time. Everything is changing. I know it does this for every family, but it's hard to see the years slipping away.
Huh, now that I've made myself sad by thinkning about it... I have been looking around for concert tickets. perhaps rapsody Of fire will go on tour, or Dawn of tears.

Remember, remeber, the 5th of November

Today is Guy Fox day! YAY!
"Remember, Remember, the fifth of November. The gun powder treason and plot.
I know of no reason, the gun powder treason should ever, be forgot!"
Yaya!
Anyway, I was thinking a lot about things lately. There's a boy in my french class and I really don't know what his deal is. He stares at me, and waves and mouths things...ahem, I will not repeat them. He's a 10th grader. I try to ignore him. He sometimes sits in my English class, next to me, and talks to me in the bloody halls. I try to be mean to him, like really mean, it seams to have no affect, it makes him more determined, in fact. I have tried ignoring him and stuff but he keeps on. I must admit though. I am flattered by it, and I hate it more than anything. I don't want to be flattered. I want to slap him across the face. I've been searching my room for things like Shepherd and prophet ans my bible, which i found, and I'm reading them like crazy anything that will help me through this. And the thing is, he's he ugliest boy imaginable, in my opinion anyway. He has big ears, big nose, and short blond hair. I don't know y ppl like him, he's pretty gross minded. I hate it all, and I would really like it if anyone had any encouragemnet, I would love to hear it. I feel like a hungry person in search of more food.
Autumn Is my fav season. It's so pretty even after the leaves are gone. I mean imagine wat a person could paint! The purplish brown trees topped with red! And the geese by the pond reflecting off the blue sky, and the rolling green hills behind! I know wat I want for christmas, a paint set. Even if it's hard at first, I know I can get it! I see this when I run, and all I want is paint, canvas, and a chair, watching the sunset off the green hills and dead trees of autumn. amem.

*sigh*

My brother makes me want to cry. He left the church in high school and messed his life up by taking up smoking. He ever eats b/c of no appetite and he coughs all the time. Sometimes my sister will share memories with him and it makes me want to cry. I know somewhere inside of him he's the same sweet boy he once was. A terror, fun, horrible, hilarious, adventurous. But it seems as though everything has changed. I don't know what to think, what to do. I pray for him every night, that somehow he will get back on track, b/c I know he has it in him.

ugh. nasty weather.

Today it was absolutely freezing outside, and I had to go running. O.o. but whatever, I have to do it. I have no choice. So anyway, I was running against the wind and it was raining pretty badly. The rain was freezing. It drove against me, making my face numb. My lungs were beginning to throb because it was cold. After I made it through three intersections I turned back and pushed home.
A huge truck drove past, (which it strange on a country road) and soaked me. It was absolutely horrible.
When I got home I had to put pizza in the oven before I could take a shower because it was already 5:45. It usually takes me and hour to run. At least i burned some bloody calories. My goal is to lose at least ten pounds by spring. I set my goal low so I can actually attain it.
On a lighter note. the other day was absolutely beautiful. I ran through the third intersection down my road and to the top of a huge hill. On the top I could see to one side, a green field illuminated by the setting sun. Then a tree line where most of the trees were almost bare. But some of them were quite colorful. Past that there was another rolling hill with beautiful trees. To the other side of me was just tall trees that were deep reds and yellows.
There are the things I find most beautiful about our world. I love it all so much and I hate all the building and developements. Strip malls. It makes me so sad to see so much incredible beauty destroyed. If i had one wish it would be to find a way to change things so it wasnt like that.
It is all hopeless, our world, and I know that it'll all die. It seems as though humans are searching for everyway possible to kill everything that exists. Such a bloody waste. I cetainatly cannot wait for the end, that is or sure. An end to so much sorrow, on this earth. so much pain. It'll all drown in the fire and fall into eternal blackness. It is quite a perculiar thing to think about.

Two blogs?!!

Well, I've been thinking. Since my other blog is strictly for my writing, why not have another where I can write whatever I want? Idk, it sounds like a good idea to me. Obviously the title is pretty lame, but whatev, all the good ones were taken already. (who says lame anymore?)
Today I spent about four hours cleaning the room at the end of my hall, gosh, wasn't than fun? I owed it to to my mom anyway, so it beats going to school. I skipped for the first time this year, and I'm proud of that. I think last year i missed like 25 days. Meh.