Ranting.

For a couple of years now I've dedicated at least two hours a day to working out. I run outside when I can, but now it's too cold. So, here's my workout I do in my room:
140 box jumps
2000 jump ropes
200 weighted lunges
ab ripper x
extensive yoga/stretching
If I'm not doing this, I'm swimming, or running at least seven miles. So someone tell me, why the fuck am I so fat? Why am I gaining weight?
It's not fair. I struggle with an eating disorder for three years, then okay, I'm going to stop making myself throw up after evening meals or whenever I decide to late night eat a shit load of food. And okay, I stop, and I start gaining weight. So I can't lose weight because I'm already eating healthy and working out, what do I fucking do, starve myself? Make myself puke? I just got my bikinis in the mail that I ordered for Jamaica. They look like absolute shit on me. I look like fucking cottage cheese woman. My fat is spilling out at every place it gets a chance to and I look like a glob of dough. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF. No wonder I'm fucking single! I'm a FUCKING FATASS. I've been humiliating myself this whole time. I may as well off myself. I'm breaking down. Why do I even bother?! GAHHHH. I don't want to go to Jamaica anymore and embarrass myself on the beach. FUCK THAT.
And to confirm this: I was looking at women's crossfit profiles the other day and my dad pointed to someone that weighed the same as me and said oh, she's big. YEAH I GET IT. I'M FUCKING FAT! I'M DISGUSTING. GO AHEAD, DAD. SAY. IT. AGAIN.