"Je ne sais pas que elle vouloir!"

Everything isn't happy, but you can always try to make it that way. How lame am I? Life has gotten better for me. I'm still really lost. Lost in that deep fog that could cause me to crash at anytime. A lamp, can guide my way to a certain extent. I do not wish to live my life outside of this fog, because with it, there is always a surprise.
I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night. I tried to do yoga, and I read my book, but I laid awake until 6 a.m. I was up by 10:30, which, all things considered, isn't bad. I decided that I don't mind insomnia. I'm smiling as I write this. I hope it isn't the terrible insomnia like in Steven King's book. When I read that I was terrified to go back to sleep. I was terrified I wouldn't be able to, and very soon I would begin to see little bald doctors hahaha. But I haven't seen crazy things, and if I decide to homeschool, then there is no problem with having a strange schedule. I know, though, that deep down there is a part of me that experiences severe fear. I know that I'm afraid to sleep because of the nightmares. They don't come if I have this weird schedule, though, so I'm not bothered by it. I'll bring it up when I see my counselour (crazy :P)
Today I will be going on a most amusing rampage in my room. I'll be giving half my bunkbed to Margaret as Abigail is moved(ing) out and I sleep on the floor. I have for two years. I admire the way the Japanese do it, and I've studied things about their rooms. Unfortunately I dont have a few thousand dollars to spend on real shoji doors, tatami, futons, and inshiji glass. Kathryn, who is sweet and amazing, will get the other bed. I'm going to sand it down and paint it white as well as all the framage and window in my room. The walls will be a blue green, and I'm going to do cool stencils. We have a white bookshelf and I'm hoping to get a white shelf for my things as well. Asian theme!!! I'm excited, as this will give me something to spend my time on for this coming week :) Next week I might be going up to stay in Canada, which will be fun. I miss my Ottawa friends. Mel C. promised that I can shovel her driveway lol.
You see, Molly? There is SO much more than Cato. I have come to that realization, but I want to believe it. I think that takes time, and also me experiencing the world. Ha, this day has given me a new hope. I have the slight feeling as though I'm grasping at the wind with this uneasy happiness, but that will pass with time. Life is life, and I will bear what it brings with as much hope I can muster. Thank god for today. If he's there, I'd like to thank him for all he's given me. <3