HeadRush

I feel like I've been betrayed, and I honestly cannot say who by. Perhaps my friends, my family... myself. It comes along with that unbearable feeling of being alone. Or maybe feeling alone? I can say without blaming it on feeling sorry for myself that I've lost a delicate closeness to my dearest friend. Everything's gone and I cannot help but blame myself! I don't believe it can ever be the same. A part of me wishes to forget, to move on, to pretend nothing ever happened. But another wants to keep pulling at the partially healed wound. It wants things to go back as they were, and I doubt that can ever be. Simply put, all of these thoughts boil down to one word. Depression. I'm fine when I can be distracted, but when I alone, oh, even when I dream it is there! I cannot be happy when I have to face that voice in my thoughts. Even music does not cure it. It is louder than thunder. I don't know what to do about it.
I finished my story and today Aaron and I will go to print it/get a copy. I will not keep the copy. It's not really mine to keep. It's more something that I owe. I still cannot think of a title for my story. It's significant in that it's the first piece of literature I've finished, but next time I write something I aim that it can be deeper, and that it can mean more to me. I think something like that has to come with time. I'm excited to spend the day with Aaron. I want to do something fun and adventurous with him, but I don't know what kind if mood he could possibly be in today. I hope that it's a good one.
It's snowing again today, and it's only mid-February. I've lost the wish that time can go as slowly as possible. I don't care for that anymore. I want it to be Spring so I can breathe and leave behind this wretched, sad winter. I want to run, to feel the pain exploding in my ribs as I know it will. But I wont stop when that happens.
My birthday's pretty soon. I've easily found what I want for it, but I don't suppose I'll ask for it. My mother has different ideas of what I'd like. In my mind I'd love a Nightwish shirt and then to simply get music via amazon, since downloading is illegal. I'd especially like Eluveitie's new album.(WHICH COMES OUT FEB. 19!!!!!) In my mother's mind, I would like to get maybe a typwriter used, and to get a copy of my story. I dont want to ask for what I want.
Now look at what I've just written! There are very few people that would enjoy reading this, save for relative who care to 'save me' and perhaps like reading up on my life just to talk about it among themselves with concern creased faces. Mhm I should learn my part for choir.