Schoolschoolschool

I know I shouldn't be wasting precious study time writing here. I have a paper on "Hamlet" due tomorrow and a nursing exam on Tuesday. I had clinical from 5-3 this Saturday and Sunday, and let me tell you, I am EXHAUSTED. There's so much going on that I don't even have time for a nap. The good news: I am passing nursing! Theory is a breeze this semester, although clinical is more of a challenge as I'm on a med surge floor. This allots for a lot of different diseases and sicknesses that I get to learn about. Medication and patient care are far more complex. If I've come to one conclusion, that is that I'm absolutely sure nursing is what I want to do with my life. I'm not sure exactly when I made this decision, but I'm sticking with it, even if it means long nights, early mornings, and a whole lot of hair loss. Alas, there is more bad news. My eating problems have returned with a vengeance. I greatly dislike my body. I've even taken the length of going vegan to avoid weight gain. Everyone tells me I look good, and I'm in great shape, but I can't for the life of my make myself believe it. As soon as winter break comes I vow to seek out therapy, finally. I want to get better. And this time I want it to be for good. I can't go on like this, hating myself and putting myself down. It's half the reason I'm so sad, and so very negative about life. It's not fair to myself, my family, or my friends. Things need to change, and it starts with me. There's a fine line between being healthy and over-obsessed. I crossed it approximately four years ago. What else... well there are no new gentlemen in my life. Ha! I barely have time for me. Relationships are of little interest to me. I want to graduate, get my RN, and move north to Saranac lake. Screw living here, I'd rather be north where I feel peaceful and content with myself. Maybe someone nice will walk into my life there, maybe not. Right now I don't mind what happens. Life in the dorms is good. I've made some very good friends, and I've learned a lot things about trust. This is something I'm rebuilding with my parents and family. I understand no one is perfect, but once again, I cross the line. I need to repair that. I have lost friends here already, but not necessarily on my accord. I digress. Overall, I am enjoying myself (everything besides the stress.)I can't wait for the semester to be over so I can spend time with my family, and the best news: BEN IS COMING HOME FROM AFGHANISTAN IN NOVEMBER!! I need him to be safe. It's so close. I can't wait to see his face. I want to cry just thinking about it. That's all for now. I'll consider updating this more often if by some miracle I find the time. -Molly-Rose