Spring

I completed another semester of nursing. There were times when I could barely get myself out of bed. I didn't think I would make it, but here I am. This time next year, I will be graduating! Life is good. I'm working full time, but I'm barely scraping by. By monday I never have money. I guess it all goes to gas and loan payments. God, it is stressful. But life is going. I think I found someone who makes me happy. I can say confidently that I have feelings. He's a sweetheart. For once, I'm happy. I'm happy. It feels so foreign to me. I didn't need him to feel this way, but he makes it more real to me. I like the way he laughs, looks into me with those big brown eyes. I like the way his hair falls around his face, and I like how I make him nervous. He tells me I need to gain weight. I'm sick. I feel like its never going to end. I don't eat anything but fruit, and I replace meals with iced coffee, cigarettes, and runs. I've lost 15 pounds, but its not good enough. It's so strange, to know that what I see and feel about myself isn't real in other people's eyes. What I see isn't the truth. I know that much, but I can't seem to change it. I haven't told my family about Louis. They're so judgmental. I'd rather save myself from the sneers and petty harassment I'd receive because I choose to live a different life than they do. I don't feel a need to tell them. Anyway, that's all I've got today.