Subject: Annoyance

Since birth I've been "cursed" with being in the church. I wouldn't call it a curse for real, but I hate that every little thing I do is criticized by all my siblings, and at that point I'm repeatedly teased and bothered about it. I suppose I should cite and example, this thing that has been bothering me for the past...1 1/2 months? Roughly.
This year in school I actually got friends that are outside the church. Most are girls, but there are a few guys, and in the church in general it's "not good" to be good friends with boys and to talk to them ect. There is a certain boy that I became really close with. I can relate to him in so many ways, we have similar interests, and similar senses of humor. I don't think my family and the kids in the church understand that we can relate well, and that really, he is a major part in my emotional support. I sit with him and my other school friends for half the lunch period and I often walk with him in the hallway.
When my brother and the other church kids see this it seems to drive them up the wall. They make faces at me in lunch and throw stuff at me. They walk behind us in the hall and make noises and step on the backs of my shoes. At home my siblings are constantly making jokes about him and teasing me. My brother tells my mom everything, which, in turn, sets her off also. I wish they would just leave me the hell alone already!!! I'm SO sick of all of their bullshit. Sorry if you're reading this, mom, I really wish you wouldn't, but whatever. This kid is one of my best friends, and it really hurts me to see him so openly hated by everyone. He's treated so badly, but he musn't care enough to stop talking to me, because he waits for me at the corner and he just... makes me feel better :) I wish that the church ppl and my family will understand someday that I get to choose my friends and they cant stop me. Even if it bothers them they're going to have to deal with it more maturly. I hope that's soon, because I've become more irritated with them by the day!
Well, that's enough of that, I suppose. It just upsets me. Well, tomorrow's the Thanksgiving feast at the church, which means food, brothers talking and stuff, me poking at the decorations and the table cloth, making jokes with Mel and Audrey, and trying not to laugh loudly. Sometimes I annoy myself about the fact that I lack a long attention span.
The good news? I'm singing a song, while Marg accompanies me on the piano. It's a song from the song book that was sung at my grandmother's funeral. It's really nice, but it makes me feel like a hypocrite when I sing it, because I don't even know if I dent the actions of the words.
"Zion I treasure her laws are forever. Naught of this earth is of interest to me"
Yeah, I'm not a saint of any type. I'm a normal (I hope) girl struggling with everyday issues and trying to find my niche in life. I don't know where to go, which, I know, is normal. I suppose I should just get up and do my thing :)
My parent's are going on a vacation to Jamaica. I think that's nice for them, since they never went anywhere special when they got married. Seriously, they drove like 2 hours, stayed one night in a hotel, and made sure they got home in time for the Sunday meeting. How ridiculous is that??? HAHAHA that would suck. Last march (march 9, my bday is march 8 :P) was their 25th annyversary, and where did they go? Absolutely no where. Well, that wasn't really their fault, in reality. My uncle died on march 6, so ofc they stayed home. I think that was one of the most traumatic things of my life.
So, they're off to Jamaica, and my mom's insanly excited. It's so cute, she's buying like clothes for it, I hope everything works out. While they're gone for the week, I get to help babysit the kids! yay! (eugh!!!) I have nine younger than me, so this should be fun. In the older than me catagory, Em, the oldest, is away for the year, Abigail will be home, but she's a constant stress fest, so god knows how much work she'll do. Ben is never home. Mariel will def help, probably will be ordering everyone around, haha. Joe will help at a minimum. Aaron will do nothing. And then there's me. I hate being here and helping, but I guess that's my lot in life atm. I just hope I can still stay after school everyday.
I think that's slightly amusing. I hate school, but staying after is really fun. I just ahng out with my friends the whole time. If I went home then, it would be sooooo boring. There's nothing to do at home between 3 and 4 pm. This way I come home, do my hmwk, eat dinner, go to the church even that evening, come home, do whatever, shower, and go to bed. It works out perfectly for me. My mom hates when I stay after, though, because she cannot keep an eye on me 24/7. I seem to be the troublesome child, haha. Oh well, whatever. I should go to bed now. I have to get up tomorrow and go and set up for the feast. Oh joy.
That's the problem. So much of my life revolves around the church, and that bothers me. Everything I do invovles the church in some way, it seems. It angers me. It just makes life more difficult. Oh well, if my mom reads this she'll sit me down and ask me if I'm rebelling against the church.
Goodnight!