Let me begin by saying one thing, and that would be that I've too much time on my hands. I do not like to have my mind held captive in my room or house, waiting for insanity from my own thoughts. It would not be so bad if my best friend wasn't working, and my boyfriend's mom wasn't sick so I could spend time with him, or, even better, he would stop being a pansy and come over my house. That's not possible anyhow, seeing that he's no way to get over here. Neither of us drive, and my sister refuses to do anything nice for me these days. I suppose it is because she so disapproves the course I've chosen for my life. That is alright.
I've spent the entirety of this vacation in my room waiting for it to be over. I admit, I've cried about everything and nothing. It's childish of me, but my frustrations can be let out in no other way. I've no ideas in my numb scull for a story; a problem that drives me absolutely mad. I had some sort of fabrication of two brothers (or sisters) who betray one another, but it's proved a hateful task and will not work.
I haven't even TALKED to Austin in almost four days now. It does make me upset, but moreover it makes me angry. Something needs to change or else I wont be able to deal with this much longer. He hasn't even met my parents, for god's sake, and we've been dating for 7 months on Tuesday. It doesn't bother me that much, I imagine the prospect of meeting my family somewhat terrifying, but it needs to be done. I suppose I'm done complaining about that.
This week my mother, and everyone older than I besides Mariel are gone down to Oklahoma to see Ben graduate from BT. After this, he'll go to Texas to go to medic school. I realized that I most likely wont see him until sometime in summer, and I began to cry. This would be another crying about everything and nothing happening. Oh, vacation and the fact that everyone else has plans but I, I truly hate you.
Well, now that I've cried a bit, I have the impulse to cut my bangs, but I can't, track commences in 2 weeks! There is something to look foreward to. Even if I'm completely lonely, I still have running. Wah:(
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
You're running forever, chasing the wind
Posted by Lilium at 6:20 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
You are BRILLIANT at writing. And I love your voice, your POV, your authentic self. Do not give up. You are awesome. Life sometimes is not awesome. . . but it does get there at other times. Hang in there. I really love reading your blog. I hope that you have five lucky things happen to you in March to make you amazingly happy. Take care <3
Thanks for the reassurance! It's something I value. For some reason it's extremely heard to get anyone to read what I write around here. I've been thinking about making my writing a little less bleak, but I'm not sure my voice will be there so strongly. We'll see. Hope you have good March too(:
Post a Comment