L'espoir.

I was talking to my friend's mom today, and she said, "I admire people who have hope. The best thing you can do is stay positive!" It made me think. Everyday all around me scary things are happening to myself and others, and I react to everything in the worst ways. So, I decided I should make a list of things that make me happy and keep me going. Things that give me hope.
1. Spring. I can't wait for the snow to melt,so I can get back on the roads and run!
2. June. That means graduation, and something new. It's terrifying, but exciting at the same time.
3. Austin. Yeah, okay, go ahead and say, "he's just a guy", but it's the longest I've been this close to a person, and every time anything happens he's extremely encouraging to me, and no matter what kind of mistake I make or have made, it doesn't bother him. I have a lot of self-esteem issues and things of that area, and Austin is always smiling and telling me that it's nothing, I'll be okay. The fact that I have someone near to me always willing to listen and spend as much time with me as possible is huge.
4. Emily. My sister has so many qualities that I too want to have. I want to be less self-centered and consider the people around my more often. I want to do what I can for them.
5. Track. It will help me relax more about myself, and it will keep me busy. I will probably get stressed, but in the long run, that stress is way better compared to winter's darkness. The snow is beautiful, but I hate it for what it does to me.
6. My mom. God, I do nothing around this house. I try sometimes.. but I honestly do nothing. There's no justification for how little I am around, but my mom is still supportive of me. I need to be around more. In the end, my family will matter more to me than a stupid story I'm writing that no one really cares to read. I love my mom because no matter what choices I make, no matter how it pains her, she still loves me just as much as any other child, and encourages me. She doesn't put me down for making different choices and that means the world.
7. Cassi. She's my best friend, and we've both talked eachother through tears, and laughed so hard we've cried. I hope I don't loose her, and I hope we aren't lost to eachother within a few years. I know that happens to people, but I need her in my life. We're basically twins in all that we do, except she doesn't find Christian Bale as attractive as I.
8. My dad. Thank god I don't have a dad who refuses to let me do anything. Thank god he doesn't force me to every church thing possible, and is going to kick me out the day I turn eighteen because I don't like the church. We have a compromising system, and I'm thankful that he sees my point of view, and no matter what he thinks of it, allows me some freedom. It could just as easily be the other way around.
9. Ben. I can talk to this guy about anything, and when things go bad, he's the one that will talk to me for three hours straight and make me look at the bright side.
10. Good people who are non-religious. I'm a stubborn person, and I will not bend. When I see people in this world who are good, with no religious obligation added, I have hope. It is possible. It's possible to be good without the delusion of 'it's for god, so I can get into heaven', because if those people with religious views had no god, they would be terrible people. This is why I love people who are good for no reason. They give me an extreme sense of hope.
11. Myself. This is the most important thing. I am strong in some ways, but weak in most. I have hope that someday I can be the best possible, and I can overcome these things that hold me back. I can be loving toward others, and good. I have so much to look forward to in my lifetime. The story will end, but I will leave behind my footprints. I will leave this place happily.