White Waters

I see a silhouette. It's sinks into the shadows, but I can feel my fears standing still. Like a cold wind that whispers through my hair, it's words are like clock work. I know where I'll find myself in little time, and soon after that I believe I'll feel as though all hope has vanished. I will drown in despair.
I've tried keeping a coin in my pocket, and I've tried pulling on my hair as a reminder. Why, then, do I find myself in the same miserable alleys? It's this evil I've committed myself to for a year and a half.
Today.. today has meant nothing to me. I had a thought. I looked at the children, and realized that they have a few short years to be what they are before growing up. Then they must spend sixty years acting as though the world doesn't scare them. That's how I see it, anyway. The world still terrifies me. I can say that because I'm still a kid. I scare me.
There isn't anything on my mind. I have the wish to sleep forever right now. I know that with the skip of a stone I'll be whispered away to another state of mind, and there I will question myself. Why did I feel so hopeless yesterday? There is always tomorrow, and there are people that love me and would do anything for me, so why was I so depressed? Why, goddammit?
I cannot go far away. Today the weather is almost a lukewarm, but not enough so that the snow would begin to melt. I cannot go far away, so I can only paint a picture in my mind.
There is a lakeside, overshadowed in a place by great willow trees, whose old roots stretch tiredly into the water, sliding slowly over rocks as time strolls on. The water is cold and clear, and looking down, you can see these roots and the silver fish that hide among them.
The banks are overgrown with soft, deep green grass, and the sky overhead is a dull gray. A breeze blows in off the water. It's soft and cool, tasting of the lake. You lay next to me in the grass, resting your head in the palms of your hands. It is silent, save for the sound of water gently lapping at the shore. It is perfect.
We can hide here until the snow melts.