I am tired of hurting inside. I am tired of this inexplicable ache that will not cease. Around every corner is another person I must pretend to be happy for. I want to feel joy. I want the flutters in my stomach and to feel my heart skip a beat from something other than anxiety. I crave the sun on my face and chest, and wind in my hair that isn't bitter and snowy. I want something to hope for. But all of those things seem a thousand miles away, and I'm stuck in the in between place. Self centered, self destructive, a failure, a disappointment. Somewhere between suicidal and okay, and I don't know how to get out.