You're an appirition, some freak, I suppose.

I feel as though I've fallen into an abyss. My progress in school is crumbling before my eyes, and it feels as though I can in no way stop it. My best friends hate each other, and if I wasn't afraid to express myself, I would tell them to stop being so abrasive to each other. It's going to hurt them later. I had been doing so well with my mood until last week. I know laying in my bed, crying, would in no way solve my problems, nor ease my pain. It was the only response I could muster that wouldn't threaten life or friendships. So I've been crying again, crying as though I've lost all hope of vitality. I tell myself it's going to improve. I'll push through. It's the same thing I've told myself for several years now. I suppose it has worked, in one aspect. I am still here.
Until I can cling to some new hope, I have no choice but to slap a smile on my face and pretend for the sake of everyone else.
I was watching everyone today. Most of the students around go to Syracuse uni. They're rich, arrogant, and act as though I'm invisible. The day I can get an SU boy to smile at me, or even notice me, I'll feel as though I'm not a transparent appirition.
I don't know where I'm going with these musings. The weather is drab, dingy, cold. It's been raining for five days. I don't savor my walks in the gray chill. My winter coat is too big on me, and the sleeves are still too short. Where am I going with these thoughts?
Three points until I'm passing. I suppose there is no option but to study.