we could've had it all, rolling in the deep

I've "started school", as in I had orientation. I start for real the 22nd, and I'll most likely have a job. So that will be good. Things haven't gotten any easier for me. Not one bit. I still lie awake and cry, and it's still the only thing I can think about. I don't understand why I can't let go, why it hurts so badly. It was a little over two months ago that we split. I simply do not understand the ranges of pain. Dull to sharp, my unsettled stomach. I force myself to eat, to smile. I don't want to do it anymore, but I promised to hold on. Sometimes I want to abandon promises.
It's strange to me. I've never felt such attachment. I tried to like other people, I truly did. I tried to move one. It's not working. Anyway, there's me as of now. Look how well I smile even though I feel hollow!