If i could sleep i would like to die in it. That way at least they cant say i killed myself. Im so tired im nauseous. And so angry. im angry and depressed about everything and the more i think about itthe worse it gets. Yes, id love to die in my sleep.

Lets cut these ties

Its my fault. I would love to say my last post was in the least rash, but I cannot find it within to me admit such a thing. I hate myself. I hate how I am. Today I spent with someone dear.. I would kill for that opportunity. Yes, i had a lot of fun, but when we headed toward the soccer fields I felt the depression settle in. With everything I have I tried to wave it away. Then I tried pushing, then shoving. It settled over me nevertheless. I was helpless. So I left my friends. Classes start on August 15 and I abandoned one of the last chances I have to be with my friends. Brilliant job, Molly! What the fuck is wrong with me? Now I'm sitting home bored, wishing I could change my mood so I could be with them. So I could be with him.

Over the course of the last month, I learned the only way to get out unscathed is by trusting no one. Unfortunately I did not achieve this. There is no winning in my life's history. Whoever I learn to love hurts me, so I will choose not to love, besides my very best friend. If that turns around and fucks me in the ass, I will truly be alone.