[something rather cheesy]

Sunday morning, and the first day of Spring. I can smile at that, and I can smile at the fact that for the past few days I've done nothing but force myself to not be angry. It has helped, and for reasons unknown, I've been able to function as a normal human!
I used to hate Sunday mornings with a burning passion. They meant that a), I had to get up and go to church, and b), tomorrow would be Monday and I didn't want to go back to school. Now it is like this: a), I get to get up, and curl up with Austin for the entire day, no interruptions included, and b), tomorrow IS school, but I don't mind anymore. Life is good. My parents have, for the most part, stopped forcing me to church activities and I believe it's given me a sense of balance. It's so much less stressful and I really am grateful for that.
Well, I'm off to seek breakfast and such. It's going to be a good day. Let's make it a good week too!(:

Elegiac

It's none other than a day in which I cannot make myself believe in vitality. Although sunny and lukewarm, the world is a cold and lonely place. No matter how we try to surround ourselves with friends, family, love, we will always be alone. I think of all the suffering this world has to offer, and so little joy it contains. We are invariably alone.
It was all non-coincidental. I put myself through the pain, trying to glare at factors which brought me joy. I failed. I dwelled on that of which made me cry; sink into that dark desperation. I am well aware that no one else will understand the feelings I embrace. They are my personal hell.
Austin was in a dark mood today, and I tried to be lighthearted in order to cheer him up. He only replied with the question of why I try to do so, because I am always miserable. It was a bullet to the heart to hear those words from his mouth. I am often miserable, even if I appear happy. I have a believable mask. It was a terrifying, depressing truth.
Whenever I write here I promise myself that tomorrow- tomorrow will be better. I will prod through the darkness of the day for the good things. I will smile. This time I will promise myself no such thing. I will rely on a slight sense of hope that tomorrow I can be less self-absorbed.

I. Am. So Fucking. Angry.

I don't have anything to push me to exist. I want this week, this month to end. Everything, everything is wrong. I don't know how much longer I can last until I break.

Mah kidd

This is Austin and I, when he finally met my family. I don't care for the types of remarks I get from my siblings or relatives. I don't care when people tell me I've bad taste. I think I'm the one who looks terrible in this picture! We're graduating together, and I'm extremely thankful to have this guy in my life. He's the thing that kept me together this year, and I'm getting that much closer to recovery because of him. I don't care what anyone says, I love him and I owe him the world<3