Caught in the tide line

Things change. It's amazing to me how much they can do so, too. Summer's waning into autumn and the life that was so fresh in spring is dying; withering. I know that soon coldness will consume all that I loved of this world until next year. That seems so very far away right now.
Everything changes. Sam and I grew apart in some way that I still cannot comprehend. Yes, we're still close friends and I don't think that part of us will ever change. But now he's gone to school and I'm still here, living my life. I'm trying to keep my head above the growing tide line. I believe it's only a matter of time until it consumes me whole. No one knows how we feel. They had their own breaks but this is ours. I don't know what to think about it. Sometimes I feel relief, but mostly I feel that never ending fear. It is one I can't describe.
Life is not all bad though. I work with two of my brothers. I wont say where, just because I hate it more than anything (almost). I still have my friends. I know which are the true ones because they were always there even when I was in the worst of depression. The ironic thing is, my mother always told me that my friends in the church are always going to be the ones that I remember no matter what because they truly love me. When these tough things happened, though, I couldn't find them anywhere. Truth be told, I haven't seen that part of my life in weeks. It's relieving. I feel as though I can breathe a little.
I think that's all I can say for now. In time the pain will heal, of course. I can still say that Sam was the one who saved me when there was no one else. We will always be the best of friends. I can smile at that.