Caught in the tide line

Things change. It's amazing to me how much they can do so, too. Summer's waning into autumn and the life that was so fresh in spring is dying; withering. I know that soon coldness will consume all that I loved of this world until next year. That seems so very far away right now.
Everything changes. Sam and I grew apart in some way that I still cannot comprehend. Yes, we're still close friends and I don't think that part of us will ever change. But now he's gone to school and I'm still here, living my life. I'm trying to keep my head above the growing tide line. I believe it's only a matter of time until it consumes me whole. No one knows how we feel. They had their own breaks but this is ours. I don't know what to think about it. Sometimes I feel relief, but mostly I feel that never ending fear. It is one I can't describe.
Life is not all bad though. I work with two of my brothers. I wont say where, just because I hate it more than anything (almost). I still have my friends. I know which are the true ones because they were always there even when I was in the worst of depression. The ironic thing is, my mother always told me that my friends in the church are always going to be the ones that I remember no matter what because they truly love me. When these tough things happened, though, I couldn't find them anywhere. Truth be told, I haven't seen that part of my life in weeks. It's relieving. I feel as though I can breathe a little.
I think that's all I can say for now. In time the pain will heal, of course. I can still say that Sam was the one who saved me when there was no one else. We will always be the best of friends. I can smile at that.

Sometimes the things that feel like they're the best are not meant to be. And that hurts.

Vegetarianism:)

I've been a vegetarian for almost a year, and I'd like to share that fact! Some people are quite rude when I tell them this. Some ask how I can deal with finding foods that agree with my diet, and how I stand not eating meat. Let me tell you: it's not as hard as you think:)
It all started when I watched a documentary on America's meat industry. I'd thought about going vegetarian before, and this movie confirmed my ideas. I am disgusted by everything that goes in in those factories. In my mind it's not worth the guilt and (go ahead, laugh) emotional pain I feel for the life that has to deal with that. It's a massacre everyday, and I hate the idea. So I decided: I would not be a part of that.
At first it was hard for me to take meat out of my diet, and I found I was hungry all the time. I ate way too many carbs. After a while it got easier, though, and I was able to find foods that I enjoyed eating.
These days I eat a lot of salads, healthy cereal like cheerios, cottage cheese, yogurt not containing gelatin, peanut-butter and jelley (natural peanut-butter), and wheat triscuits with toppings like cottage cheese ect. Mexican food is also an option. If you're looking to loose weight vegetarian is also an option, seeing that you get enough protein. I lost 5-10 lbs:)
So here is my lunch for tomorrow. Yes, I do eat eggs. I know it's probably not right, but my mom wont let me be vegan right now, as I run alot. Tonight for supper I ate a piece of cinnamon-raisin toast with swiss cheese on it:)

....

This would be me and kathryn. Obviously I'm the one wearing the glasses, of which I do not regularly wear. I usually have my contacts. Can you not tell me and kathryn are sisters? haha:)

I am just a rough draft

Life is the most confusing, difficult thing in which I must try to wrap my head around. Once I've figured out what might make sense, it doesn't anymore, and I find myself circling in a pit of confusion, only to wake up the next morning and find that it's changed. Does that make sense? Perhaps not to the onlooker. For this I'm sorry.
Now that I've brushed that out of the way.. I have to say this, in third person.
She wasn't as free as she wished to be. They whispered behind her, about the ways she carried herself, the way she was. They didn't approve. Everything about her was wrong. That was how it was seen, and such was evident to the girl. She didn't believe that they cared that it pained her so.
"It's not a dream," she whispered, her voice no more than a slight rasp. The girl stood protected in the eaves of a great pine tree. Below her the ground seemed a mere illusion, and the world spread out before her was the only real thing. It very well could of been a paint canvas; the ultimate masterpiece. "I want to fly," she screamed, letting the tears out. Why was everything wrong, when it should be right? She'd betrayed everything she knew to be the truth. She was nothing but a liar. And she knew she couldn't fly. Instead, she'd fall. No more lies for the ones she loved. No more pain.
Sometimes it works better for me to write things in third person. I don't know why, but it makes me feel better. I'm going to bed now. Goodnight.

Question life, then die.

Sometimes I dont understand myself. Why must I do the things I do? I figure that my mother probably reads this, so everything I write has to be censored. I can't really speak my mind and let people know things that happen, things that mean something. I know that I should have an open relationship with my parents, but it doesn't mean that they would like everything I have to say.
I don't really know what else to say. My life consists of work, shower, bed, and wishing I could see Sam more often before he leaves for college. I feel like breaking down and crying and leaving him all because sometimes it hurts, and I want nothing of it. Then again, that would not really help, because I love him. The tears of pain can be good, and if I left him they wouldn't. They would hurt more and I'd miss him. I think I've hurt him enough, to say the truth. He deserves so much better than what I can give him. I.. I just don't understand.