Today is an absolutely brilliant day, which leads me to ask, why am I inside? I have problems, and I want to face them. There remains, of course though, the question of how I am to approach them. I do not know how I possibly can, really. They are there and fiercer than ever. Do I talk to someone about them? No one knows how to help. That's how it seems to me, anyhow. Whenever I muster the needed courage to ask someone about them I get the same answer. "...Molly.. I dont know what to say. I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you." I feel so lost and helpless.
I think I need a long walk.

Waning of July...

I'd just like to say thanks to Heather, who sent me some books! I've started out reading The God Delusion, and I rather like it!:)
Today I'm sick, so I'm doing nothing of consequence. The end.

Smile;)

These are pictures from the return of my absolute best friend and brother. (kid in the orange:P) I love Aaron to death, and I know more than anything that he cares about me and wants what's best. Sam came home too, of course. I adore the kid. He's one special guy and anyone who takes that for granted is really missing out. Anyhow, the little girl is Camille, the youngest. She'll be three in November, but we all still refer to her as 'the baby' In face, we call her and Charlotte, the four year old, 'the babies'. At this point everyone is hoping that my mother will have "just one more". We don't want Camille to be the last. And of course the goofy looking girl is me hahaha:)

The days begin and end in sunlight

I am so full of life! I can smile, and I hope.. I'm shining. The long summer days have whipped past, leaving me shocked, dazed, and happy. There is still the month of August, and it will be a particularly busy one. I know, deep down, that it will be a sad one too. That is something I hide in the back of my mind and hope will fade. I do not wish to face it.
Today is Friday. It's pouring beautiful rain outside, and when I woke to that I could do nothing but smile. I love the slight chill so that I have enough gusto to put on socks, and how wet I'm going to get this afternoon when I go for a run. Aaron is home from Norway, but I do not think I will coax him still to do something with me. He's busy cleaning up.. something is changed in him, and I'm guessing that is due to his sitting in the church meetings. I do not care, though. He's still my Aaron, and we'll have an amazing rest-of-the-summer together!
Sometimes I credit myself with my ability to be persuasive. I told Sam yesterday that I would very much like to spend some time with him apart from my BROTHER Sam and I shooting at his house Saturday. He said sure, and I proposed tonight after he's finished his shift at the pool. And turns out, he's taking me out to dinner. How nice is that? I did not expect it, and I suspect it will be more than a humorous affair, knowing Sam and I.
Well now I have other things to do. Aaron and I need some plans:)

Open your eyes

Maybe I vowed to stop writing here, but for some reason I cannot. It's the only place I can write what I feel, and I've decided to hell with the fact that my mother reads it. I'm a pretty good girl, am I not?
Yesterday was Thursday. According to the church schedule Thursday is the youth meeting. Since it is July, mike, the 'youth leader' shows transmissions from the meetings in Norway from the summer conference over there. In my mind this means one thing: two hours of torture.
The good thing about transmissions is that I get to see my cousin. She's pretty awesome, but I feel as though in some ways I must be the one to look out for her, to make sure she isn't doing things that she'll one day regret. I wish I had a friend like that, and I know there are some who might have tried. At least I can be that to someone.
I noticed something about her tonight. There were five fading cuts on her left wrist. It makes me so sad to see this. I pointed them out, asking how, and when. She tried to brush it off and make it seem like a small deal. I used to cut a lot, and I once tried to commit suicide this way. I know what she was doing, and I know it's really a big deal. So I took her outside. People were giving us looks. Of course, the two girls leaving the church get up and leave during the transmission, right?
Once outside I hugged her and told her it was alright, and that she needed to talk about it. I was there for her. She began to cry.
"..It was a fight, with my mom. I wasn't sposed to be on the computer and she told me to get off. I said no, and she told me to give her her phone back. I said no, so she grabbed me and shoved me against the wall. She was yelling and swearing, and she had her hands around my throat. So I yelled 'fuck you!' and ran. She sent my sister after me, and told me to never come home." She was hysterical.
I told her that whenever she felt like she was going to explode and needed a release that she must call me. I was a little afraid for her. What I did not tell her is that she must listen to her mother when asked for something. It didn't seem like the right time. What do I do about this? I'm not sure, but I remember that helpless feeling, like I was alone. I didn't know who to talk to. At least she knows she can talk to me.