A place between Sleep and Awake, end of Innocence, unending Masquerade

I've been debating on whether or not I should write about a certain subject, but I've opted to do so. I know that I cannot possibly be alone in this situation, but sometimes that's exactly what I feel.
I have to admit, it is one of the most difficult things in the world to go against everything I've ever been taught. But I don't believe it, so I must get out. They told me that my human reasoning is wrong, and constructed in such a way that if corrupts the way I think of god. How can I possibly believe that? Perhaps there is some deity, but I do not think on single religion on this earth has it completely right. I cannot follow something in which I do not totally believe- especially when it makes me miserable in the worst ways.
That is my justification, my point is this: I have no support from my parents, my siblings, or any of my friends in the church that I grew up with.(Which happen to be my cousins too.)It's extremely difficult to go through everyday with everyone I've known my whole life looking down on me- and being verbal about it too, simply because of that fact that I'm choosing a different path than them. Perhaps one day I will regret it, but at the moment I'm happy, and I plan on living each day to the fullest. I will be out of the church and still be a decent person. I want to prove that it's possible, because everyday they tell me how much of a fool I am, to put it in simple terms, and it's all my mother ever wants to talk about. Every chance she gets, she is asking me why I think I can survive outside of the church. Perhaps because people have been doing it for hundreds of years? That is my complaint. I know they love me and only want whats best for me, but couldn't they be in such a way that I do not feel like such a complete disappointment to them? I'm not sure if they can. I know I'll survive this, though. Just because I'm not interested in the church doesn't meant I'm going to go crazy and turn into some stoner/drunk whore. I'm not like that, and I know that I will never be that way. I really wish I could make them understand that. I will never do those things. I'm going to make something of myself, and I want to show them that. Lilium don't forget you said this, please. Read this someday, and smile, because you've fulfilled it:)
This week has been fairly good. What am I saying? It probably couldn't have been better, really. I got my prom dress on Wednesday and I'll be sure to put up picture of prom when that happens. I rather like that it's a simple brown dress. I've had track this week and that's gone quite well. I finally got my longjump down and I'm running faster! There isn't much to tell, but simply exclaim that I'm happy. I've also started writing a new story. I don't know where it'll go or what will happen, but I really hope that it can spread it's wings and fly. And also, I am in the process of deeply editing HeadRush. I've taken a lot out and put a lot in. After this I'm not really sure what to do with it.
I went to the pool tonight and Camille, who is two, threw a plastic boat and it hit my in the head. Right now it's pounding so badly I can barely see. And when Sam saw this, he initially frowned, and then began to laugh. How kind of him haha. "Band aid?" He asked. Why thanks, sir. Anyhow, I think I might be sick from it, which is a sign of a concussion, right? Ugh I hope I don't have that. Oh well this is turning into an "I" fest, so I will stop writing now.