Life is pain. Sometimes I get so low.. so stressed..but that fades. It all fades. For some time I can forget it all. Then it's back. I'm only creative in my mind. When it comes out here it looks like throw up. Let's just say that the next few months of my life are going to be hell, besides one little thing. That saves me.

I'm tired and stressed and angry. I hate being like this. I hate crying. I hate being a total child about everything, but sometimes.. GOD I can't fucking help it. I'm so uncontrollably angry right now that I DONT CARE to make my writing pretty. I dont fucking care. There's only one fucking thing in my life write now that makes me remotely happy and I cant even be near them right now. God forbid I stay up a little late with my friends. God forbid I spend my fucking weekend how I want to.
Ha. God forbid. What the fuck is god? I dont know, and I dont care. Even if he's out there, he can kill me 'cause right about now I don't give a damn if he does. I know I'm angry, but I dont want to think about when I calm down and this all seems irrational. Because right now I'm crying and I can't even have anyone to hold me in their arms.

Breathe

She left the window open. Maybe it was an accident. But nevertheless, a late summer breeze swam sincerely through it. It whispered through the dim, cluttered bedroom. She lay on the bed, asleep with the diary of her life open on her chest, pen still in hand. The breeze gave a determined sigh. It flooded through the room and turned the page over. The next was clean. New.
That's how I feel today. That's how I've felt for the past week. I feel as though a new page of my life has been turned over and great things await me. Perhaps they do not, and begind the next door lays disappointment. But maybe not!
School is not bad. I'm trying to graduate early but everything isn't set in stone quite yet. I'm somehow managing a job, sports, and school. Not to mention church activities, which I most respectfully attend...
Things have changed a lot. So far I don't feel any of the changes have been negative. I don't feel I should write them here yet.

I watch it all collapse. It never seems to last as long as I need it to. A beautiful mistake, a wound without a trace. Was it ever even true?
I fucked up again. That's the only way I dare put it. Pretty soon I'll be worth nothing.